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Josh is currently on tour with a national musical touring show company. To keep his sanity amidst the natives, he is emailing travelogues out from the road. He has graciously agreed to let me post them here for your enjoyment.
Names of some identifiable theaters, towns and country music stars have been edited to protect Josh from identifying Google searchs. CAPITALIZED NOUNS indicate my only edits to his posts.
Fans, who wish to track Josh's ongoing travels can read his previous entries here.
On The Road With Josh #6:
Politechnics & The New Josh Order
Dear All
Pre-Firstly: Happy Easter!
Firstly: 50 Days of T-Ro Tour Left! Oh, I know it's a beautiful thing, and I cannot wait for the sound and smell of sweet home Chicago!
Secondly: I have cut my own hair, and I'm very excited about that.
NOTABLE ODDITIES….
1) "Need A Hand? Call the Master Baiters!" (On a sign for a tackle shop traveling into Michigan…I bet they thought this was "cute.")
2) "And Then There Were None," for Nintendo (A Nintendo game at GameStop, and oh yes, it is the Agatha Christie novel… I can't wait for the "A Room With a View" and "Remains of the Day" video games to come out. Seriously, what child do you know waits with anticipation for this? Is this a British thing?)
3) Pedro's Mexican Restaurant, Brookfield, WI (The waitress I had told me a "joke," with the most stereotypical Northern accent. It goes like this, "So ya know, people who are left-handed are sinners. Ya know why? It's 'cause God caught them doing something they shouldn't with their right hand." ...and then for some reason I had no desire to eat my burrito…)
4) Scribbled on a makeup room counter: "It's not so much that God isn't listening; it's just that God doesn't like you and wants you to stop asking for shit." (Brilliant.)
So up to this point, I've poked fun at everything that makes no sense to me in my safe, bitchy, city-swelled head. And rightly so…there is much to say about us Am'ricans. But let me draw you away from the oddities that make this country such a target for French loathing, and explain the inner-workings of this fine-oiled machine known as tour.
**WARNING** I cuss like a mean, hateful pirate throughout the rest of this e-mail, so if you view such language to be offensive rather than expressive, then go to your happy place and play with your metaphorical kitty, puppy, bunny, or gerbal-y...
Everything has become low; moods are low, energy is low, morale is low, and expectations are low. Little things we all do around each other (i.e. swallowing/smacking sounds with lips and tongue where there was once silence) are grating on all nerves. Much of this is due to the weather, what feels like almost too much time off, and what I call polititechnics. Polititechnics is the system of ideas that are good in theory, are not good for the situation, and are expected to be followed/tried/accommodated because someone with an ego or vision will throw a fit if they are not, and someone else just can't have that. Case in point:
Way back last year, when the show was first produced, the budget was substantial for all involved. Fast forward to July 2008, and the budget was "considerably less" (read: instead of $10, 000, the costume budget was reduced to $5000...ya know, big redux). All properties, costumes, set pieces, scenery, lighting, and sound was to remain the same, and yet made "tourable," which is not a real word, but it saves time.
Names of some identifiable theaters, towns and country music stars have been edited to protect Josh from identifying Google searchs. CAPITALIZED NOUNS indicate my only edits to his posts.
Fans, who wish to track Josh's ongoing travels can read his previous entries here.
On The Road With Josh #6:
Politechnics & The New Josh Order
Dear All
Pre-Firstly: Happy Easter!
Firstly: 50 Days of T-Ro Tour Left! Oh, I know it's a beautiful thing, and I cannot wait for the sound and smell of sweet home Chicago!
Secondly: I have cut my own hair, and I'm very excited about that.
NOTABLE ODDITIES….
1) "Need A Hand? Call the Master Baiters!" (On a sign for a tackle shop traveling into Michigan…I bet they thought this was "cute.")
2) "And Then There Were None," for Nintendo (A Nintendo game at GameStop, and oh yes, it is the Agatha Christie novel… I can't wait for the "A Room With a View" and "Remains of the Day" video games to come out. Seriously, what child do you know waits with anticipation for this? Is this a British thing?)
3) Pedro's Mexican Restaurant, Brookfield, WI (The waitress I had told me a "joke," with the most stereotypical Northern accent. It goes like this, "So ya know, people who are left-handed are sinners. Ya know why? It's 'cause God caught them doing something they shouldn't with their right hand." ...and then for some reason I had no desire to eat my burrito…)
4) Scribbled on a makeup room counter: "It's not so much that God isn't listening; it's just that God doesn't like you and wants you to stop asking for shit." (Brilliant.)
So up to this point, I've poked fun at everything that makes no sense to me in my safe, bitchy, city-swelled head. And rightly so…there is much to say about us Am'ricans. But let me draw you away from the oddities that make this country such a target for French loathing, and explain the inner-workings of this fine-oiled machine known as tour.
**WARNING** I cuss like a mean, hateful pirate throughout the rest of this e-mail, so if you view such language to be offensive rather than expressive, then go to your happy place and play with your metaphorical kitty, puppy, bunny, or gerbal-y...
Everything has become low; moods are low, energy is low, morale is low, and expectations are low. Little things we all do around each other (i.e. swallowing/smacking sounds with lips and tongue where there was once silence) are grating on all nerves. Much of this is due to the weather, what feels like almost too much time off, and what I call polititechnics. Polititechnics is the system of ideas that are good in theory, are not good for the situation, and are expected to be followed/tried/accommodated because someone with an ego or vision will throw a fit if they are not, and someone else just can't have that. Case in point:
Way back last year, when the show was first produced, the budget was substantial for all involved. Fast forward to July 2008, and the budget was "considerably less" (read: instead of $10, 000, the costume budget was reduced to $5000...ya know, big redux). All properties, costumes, set pieces, scenery, lighting, and sound was to remain the same, and yet made "tourable," which is not a real word, but it saves time.
Due to the set designer's incorrect measurements, the heavy set pieces were not made tourable; in fact, the shop did absolutely nothing, save some basic touch-ups. The costumes were taken out of a box (were not dry-cleaned, I found out) and thrown on the actors, with a few new pieces supplemented in, five of which were not completely ready until after we had opened. The lighting plot (with 200 lights to focus, only 26 of which travel with us) was kept in its entirety.
Many of the 300 properties were "re-done," but nonetheless were all still exceptionally fragile. The only major addition to this saga was in the form of two "headers" that connect the tops of the two sets of upstage columns. In the original production, there was just one stationery header that weighed a ton but was designed to fit in that theatre space (the problem, really, with everything on tour – it was designed with only home base in mind.) During tech week, we discovered that the additional headers that were built for the tour added another couple tons to our already heavy show, the shop had imbedded incorrect hanging devices in them, plus the paint job did not match the existing columns, and we would just have to deal with repainting them on the road…fuckuhsaywhat?!
We did not take these things with us (God bless our TD), but what was done was a second set of fabric headers, painted to look like the columns...fuckuhdidwhat?! They're not long enough for the distance between both sets of columns, and the answer was then to move the columns closer together on stage by about 8 inches, which would decrease the already small playing space due to the size and mobility of the set pieces, affect the blocking and choreography which relies heavily on the set pieces, messes up the line-sets for masking, the star drop, scrim, cyclorama, and lights, messes up the deck plot and mobility of the crew, and the funny thing about all this is that due to the size of certain houses (more often than not) we can't use the headers because of deck dimensions, lack of fly pipes, and length of set-up time/competency of venue crew. The going price for the entire header saga: $20,000...the set budget for the tour was only $1000…
All this stuff was discussed after opening, and we didn't even receive the fabric headers until after we'd been touring for near two months… There is much to be said for designer/director concepts and visions, but seriously just stop. There are enough visions that go on with this production, regularly, that even Miss Cleo would go catatonic
Planning is everything. If you plan well, you consider these things: if there is not enough money, you don't expect to use any extra; if there is not enough time, you don't overdo your project; if there is not enough help, you don't promise something will happen at a certain time. When did this belief in invincibility and "no problems, only challenges" consume common sense and reality? Sure, it's great to be breaking a mold and being smart, but sometimes there are things that stray from the production and enter the ego-driven-you. Theatre is an ever-changing fantasyland based on the human experience, but the fundamentals and practicalities to create that fantasyland are human and limited.
Planning is everything. If you plan well, you consider these things: if there is not enough money, you don't expect to use any extra; if there is not enough time, you don't overdo your project; if there is not enough help, you don't promise something will happen at a certain time. When did this belief in invincibility and "no problems, only challenges" consume common sense and reality? Sure, it's great to be breaking a mold and being smart, but sometimes there are things that stray from the production and enter the ego-driven-you. Theatre is an ever-changing fantasyland based on the human experience, but the fundamentals and practicalities to create that fantasyland are human and limited.
This is not to say that something is not always possible all the time – there is a creative process -- but there are equally creative limits that need respect and attention, again, if you plan well in advance. ("Oh but Joshua, how can you say that, that's the real world, that's how things are, that's what real theatre is like, that's what professionals do, that's just how things are at this level, you're just young, you're just naive."
Okay, but that doesn't make it better or right, and it's not the only way to do anything. Too bad you're stuck in a don't-rock-the-boat job. Hope it's worth it.) All because one guy had an expensive idea during tech week… Hope that $20,000 was a good investment for this remounted, touring kids' show.
So, my new motto of my New Joshua Order is this: E-LIM-I-NATE the muthuh-fuckuh (Happy Easter!). You know there is always one person, one little warped puppy in the brood, who never gets it right, never gets it done, never sees it through, and never gives a rat's ass about what anyone has to say about it, and never sees how it affects the rest. Or conversely, that one person who is surface-confident about everything, though nothing ever seems to go accordingly, and generally people have tons of criticism to deliver after shit goes down. I have been both these people many times along my road to where I am now. It's a learning process, it sucks, but it passes if you're smart and listen to others ever now and then. But now, ha ha, oh yes, I shall come with great vengeance on yo' ass if you are the muthuh-fuckuh. Nice doesn't do shit for getting anything accomplished, and Lord knows that no one has had even a smack on the hand for this production shoddy craftsmanship, lateness, etc., etc., and muh ma-fuckin' etc. No, you have to e-lim-i-nate the muthuh-fuckuh, in three easy steps:
You got to shut the muthuh-fuckuh up.
You got to close that muthuh-fuckuh down.
You got to shove that muthuh-fuckuh out.
Yes…e-lim-i-nate the muthuh-fuckuh.
So, my new motto of my New Joshua Order is this: E-LIM-I-NATE the muthuh-fuckuh (Happy Easter!). You know there is always one person, one little warped puppy in the brood, who never gets it right, never gets it done, never sees it through, and never gives a rat's ass about what anyone has to say about it, and never sees how it affects the rest. Or conversely, that one person who is surface-confident about everything, though nothing ever seems to go accordingly, and generally people have tons of criticism to deliver after shit goes down. I have been both these people many times along my road to where I am now. It's a learning process, it sucks, but it passes if you're smart and listen to others ever now and then. But now, ha ha, oh yes, I shall come with great vengeance on yo' ass if you are the muthuh-fuckuh. Nice doesn't do shit for getting anything accomplished, and Lord knows that no one has had even a smack on the hand for this production shoddy craftsmanship, lateness, etc., etc., and muh ma-fuckin' etc. No, you have to e-lim-i-nate the muthuh-fuckuh, in three easy steps:
You got to shut the muthuh-fuckuh up.
You got to close that muthuh-fuckuh down.
You got to shove that muthuh-fuckuh out.
Yes…e-lim-i-nate the muthuh-fuckuh.
"Oh Josh, that's so mean, that's so awful, that's so cruel, that's so horrible, how could you ever believe any of the things you're saying, you're wrong about everything, you're only 26 how could you know anything because you didn't even graduate or get a 9-5, what you know about anything, you stupid emotional male?"
And to that, I respond: (When you're sitting in a chair, wondering what the hell happened, with a confounded look on your face, wishing there was a way out…) "You shoulda listened to what the fuck I haaaaaad to say, muthuh-fuckuh!" Seriously, everyone needs to shut up, grow up, and get over whatever it is. And this includes myself, as I have had to shut up, grow up, and get over it plenty of times.
I am NOT out here trying to "find myself." You're wrong if you think that. I know precisely who I am, better than you think you do. I am out here proving to myself that I've shut up, grown up, and gotten over it. Two and a half outta three ain't bad….
And so it goes. Catch ya later, and if you're having a bad day, maybe you should kick a midget. It's illegal, but ever so much fun.
I am NOT out here trying to "find myself." You're wrong if you think that. I know precisely who I am, better than you think you do. I am out here proving to myself that I've shut up, grown up, and gotten over it. Two and a half outta three ain't bad….
And so it goes. Catch ya later, and if you're having a bad day, maybe you should kick a midget. It's illegal, but ever so much fun.
Ciao
Josh
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